THE WORST FASHION MISTAKES OF THE NIGHT...

The evening’s Theme was "Superheroes: Fashion & Fantasy" - a theme that would be fairly easy to interpret, in a fashion sort of way, you would think - so how many guests went for it in a big way?...

That’s right – almost no-one !! Sorry..

That is, except for Christina Ricci...

CHRISTINA RICCI

Christina chose a ravishingly awful Givenchy concoction, that I’m fairly certain wasn’t actually included in their latest Runway Show...

At least I couldn’t find it, and therefore, it is with a certain amount of disappointment that I have to conclude that Givenchy designer, Riccardo Tisci, actually designed this especially for her...

Now Christina was one of only a few people who had the guts to go with the actual theme in any way, shape or form, so I should give her credit for that, but for some absolutely unfathomable reason, this dress has had people gushing all over the Internet about how lovely it is, and how brave she was to interpret the evening’s theme with taste and sensibility !!

Stuff and nonsense I say – this dress is an absolute travesty of Good Taste, and should be consigned to the bin marked " Bad Fashion Student Projects" at once...and never spoken of again....

For one thing, the shiny, red, satin bodysuit that underpins the whole dress is uneven, and slightly lop-sided, around the top edge of the bodice, and so ruins somewhat, the Superwoman effect that Christine was trying for...and for another thing, the horrible pale pink netting is very unevenly attached to the bodice – you can even see the stitching that gathers it all together !!

The other thing that is bothering me about Christina, is that she is looking alarmingly thin – she is beginning to get that slightly bobble-headed Look, where celebrities who are underweight have heads that look too big for their bodies...

For God’s sake, eat something – OK ?!!

GISELLE BUNDCHEN

Giselle didn’t opt for the theme at all, unless she was going for a sort of "Supertart – all whims catered for and nothing too much trouble"...

This is a beautiful Versace dress that I actually featured in the RTW Collections post this Spring, alongside a whole lot of dresses from the same Collection that I just knew would turn up on a Red Carpet somewhere, but I didn’t bank on it being quite so revealing – did Giselle have a word with Donatella, and get her to make it a little more open everywhere ?!!

You decide:-

Versace Runway...                                                       Giselle...

What d’you think ? Did she phone Donatella up and ask for a slight alteration, or am I mistaken - is this dress as revealing as it appears to be in real life ?

VICTORIA BECKHAM

Everybody’s favourite Fashion Victim didn’t let us down last Monday evening...on the face of it, a supremely elegant 40s inspired look...

But when you get close in, it turns out to be rather less than it seems... 

Victoria tried to wow them in a vintage Armani ( Autumn Collection ’89 ) 40s style, see-through negligee, split to the thigh, with square shoulders, long sleeves and the severest make-up job ever...

She pouted and posed, and generally tried to convince us all that she is a Fashion Icon, but I'm not convinced...

C’mon Posh - would it kill you to smile a little ?...

 MARY-KATE OLSEN

Both the Olsen twins were there, but as usual, it is Mary-Kate that has taken my interest...

Her Diana Von Furstenburg dress is actually not bad – a little droopy, but then it is covered with gold sequins as if to make up for her lack of sparkle – so it’s probably quite heavy, but it isn’t that bad...her shoes could be a size smaller too, but on the whole, the actual seperate components of her Look are good....

She, however, looks dreadful !!

She looks so out of it, I do wonder if she hasn’t just paid a little visit to the Ladies for a quick fix....

ROSIE HUNTINGTON-WHITELY

Who??? I hear you all shout...

Rosie is a very sought after top model, from an aristocratic background – a well-bred young lady indeed, who is carving a very nice career for herself out of wearing daft dresses to fashion parties, accompanying the designer...

Here, she is modelling a Burberry dress that looks like it is made out of an entire flock of birds, and dyed the most disgusting colour combination of black, fading into midnight-blue, which in turn fades into dove-grey, finishing with yellow-ochre down at the hem...the colour-scheme from Hell indeed !!

If it wasn’t made entirely out of feathers, it might be passable, but the fact that it is, just makes it one of the worst dresses I’ve seen for a very long time...

Poor Rosie...she probably didn’t have much choice in which dress she was going to wear to this do, for if she had, she surely would have picked something different...something a little more elegant perhaps ?!!

WENDI MURDOCH

Wife to the newspaper tycoon, Rupert Murdoch, Wendi is proving that having loads of spare cash does not give you Good Taste...

Here, she is wearing a vaguely 18^th Century-inspired concoction by Christian Lacroix, who, let’s face it, is possibly the only Designer who would create something like this...

First of all, I’m really fond of the black and blue combination, on anything...secondly, this dress simply looks cumbersome – it has none of the grace we have come to expect from a modern Ball-gown these days...it is too structured, too heavy, and too bejewelled...

But that is just my own taste – you, of course, may love it to bits...

Or not !!

SCARLETT JOHANSSEN

Scarlett has got her picture on most magazines and onto most of the fashion website pages, because of her recent engagement and because she is a popular face to photograph...

I do wish, however, she would lighten up her taste in dresses a little, and give her bosom a little welcome relief...I mean, they always look so restrained, pushed up, and boned in...

She is a very pretty girl, but she doesn’t do herself any favours at all, and it pains me to see her in such awful drab colours too...she would look stunning in clear blues and aqua-greens, but do we ever see her in such gorgeous shades ? – no, we do not !!

SAMANTHA BOARDMAN-ROSEN

Another New York Socialite, whose life revolves around the NY Party scene...she went to Giambattista Valli for her party frock...

She resembles a giant red bubble, that may just go whizzing around the ceiling if you undid her air valve...it really does look like someone has pumped her up with a bicycle pump, doesn’t it?!!

KATIE HOLMES

Katie also went for a vintage frock, and quite a nice one too actually...like Posh’s dress, this one is by Armani too, but this time from the Autumn Collection of ’93...do you reckon, by any chance, that she and her New Best Friend, Victoria Beckham went shopping together for their frocks ? To the same vintage store ?!! Seems too much of a coincidence to be true otherwise, doesn’t it...

Anyway, as I was saying, this dress is quite nice actually, but what I am taking issue with are the choice of royal blue shoes....

True, they are designed by Christian Louboutin ( who else ?!! ) but they are BLUE ... not the best choice for a bright red dress, I wouldn’t have thought...mind you, the theme of this Ball was Superheroes...maybe she is trying desperately to channel her inner Superwoman...

The other thing is the necklace - why, oh why, do these people try and make a long dangly necklace work with a beautiful strapless bodice, when, clearly, a choker or short necklace would have been so much better....it wouldn’t interfere with the top edge of the bodice and it definitely wouldn’t fall outside of one boob, making her look somewhat lopsided - not a Good Look !!

KATHERINE NEAL SHAFFER

Now then, here we see the most common mistake that guests at this do made with the theme...either they went all out for it and wore something ridiculously amateurish, and ever so slightly fancy-dress-ish, like Christina Ricci...or they tried to interpret the Superheroes Theme in a more understated and subtle way, whilst keeping their evening dress quite elegant, and end up looking a little bit – well, you know – kinky...
Here is Katherine wearing her lovely Alberta Ferretti dress with its pretty bodice, and elegant Empire-line cut...

LISA PERRY & DAUGHTER

To my shame,. I can’t find out the name of Lisa’s daughter, but never mind, my attention is really on Lisa herself...

She is a Fashion Designer who is very much influenced by 60s fashion – her latest Collection resembles the earliest designs by Mary Quant, and so it comes as no surprise that Lisa entered the spirit of this Gala Ball Theme with a vengeance too - hurrah !!

I’m so glad she did...

Her outfit is as entertaining as it is nutty, and long may she continue designing stuff like this to wear to social events of this calibre – she should have designed some of the other dresses too – at least they would have been amusing instead of just dreadful...

I particularly love the white plastic boots...FAB !!!

For my last Dreadful Dress, I shall go for a person who is fast developing into my favourite Worst Dress contender, a woman who is almost consistently on my list...

TILDA SWINTON

This is perfectly marvellous...

For one thing she is wearing make-up...yes, that’s right, I’ll just repeat that for those of you who have fainted dead away...

Tilda Swinton has got the lipstick out...
 

And what an improvement it is too...she looks somewhat healthier now !!

The only thing is that the rest of her new-found love of cosmetics runs to wearing what looks like a gold mask done in eye-shadow...no doubt running with the "Superheroes" Theme of the Ball !!

Her dress is a real Grandmother dress – as dowdy as you could possibly get, without being the Queen herself...and what makes me wince is that she is actually two years younger than me...but manages to look a good two decades older...so if you have fantastic red hair, it helps to keep up the illusion enormously, if you make sure you touch up the roots before you sweep it up high on your head...

Her companion is her friend, the drag artiste Justin Bond, who, touchingly, has chosen to wear the same shoes as Tilda, but in a different colour...

So, these then were the worst outfits that this Gala Ball threw up, in the general direction of the waiting Press....so what d’you think ?

Is it really a Good idea to give a Ball like this such a difficult Theme, for people to make fools of themselves over, whilst the more sensible ones just ignore it...

Or should they just stick to definite Fashion-orientated Themes, like last year’s fantastic 1920’s celebration of Paul Poiret, or neutral themes like the year before, when they did the Anglomania thing ?....

Or perhaps not bother with a theme at all, and just let everyone dress up to the nines, like they do with the Oscars ?

In the next post, I will look at the first half of the Best Dresses, of which there were so many truly gorgeous examples, that I have had to break it down into two posts...