YAY - THE OSCARS WORST DRESSED LISTS !!
Yes - here it is at last !! After nearly three weeks of waiting, my Worst Dressed Lists are done for the biggest Hollywood party-event of the year - yay !!
As expected these days, there was a
substantial 'They Really Could Have Done Better
' List for all three events - the Oscars Ceremony itself, the Vanity Fair Party, and Elton John's AIDS Foundation fundraiser. There are so many people invited to these Oscars Viewing parties that there's bound
to be a whole long list of stars who basically looked fine, but who you wish, for one reason or another, had just gone that little bit further with their outfit, and maybe had tried that teensy bit harder to look fabulous, but hadn't quite succeeded...well yes, my first list is that one:- THEY REALLY COULD HAVE DONE BETTER !!
1. THE OSCARS CEREMONY
The first lady on my list shouldn't by rights be here on this list at all, seeing as her dress was a masterpiece of right-on eco-friendly fabrics...still, never mind - you can't get it right all the time !!LIVIA GIUGGIOLI
Livia and her husband, Colin Firth, apart from him being a first-rate actor, and her being a film-director in her own right, are famous for running their own eco-friendly shop in Chiswick - my neck of the woods as it happens - well, near enough anyway !! Therefore, Livia's first concern when it comes to red-carpet dressing is the planet-friendliness of the fabrics used and the whole making up process...
This dress was created for her by Valentino duo, Maria Grazia Chiuri and Pier Paulo Piccioli, and ticks all the eco-friendly boxes:
However, unfortunately, it is possibly the most unflattering dress I've ever seen her wear !! It reminds me of 16th Century Cardinal robes - a huge tent of red and not much else...all she's missing is the square hat !! At the front of the bodice, the point where the front pin-tucks stop being stitched, I think, is supposed to be under
her bust and not sitting right across the front of it, as it is at the moment, making her look somewhat droopy, and the skirt is a huge triangle of red fabric that makes her look like a ship in full sail !!
Livia is a tall slim woman, but she looks dumpy in this, and I'd be disappointed with my Valentino custom dress, however eco-friendly it was, if it made me look any shorter than I am now !!
However, she does get my green star award, for being obsessively green-minded about the whole red-carpet thing, creating the Green Carpet Challenge competition for anyone who cares to take part...she also gets a ticket for not being critical enough at the fitting stage with regards to the look of the whole dress !!MICHELLE WILLIAMS
I'm afraid I just couldn't get excited about Michelle's red Louis Vuitton dress this year - for one thing, all the tiers around the skirt appear to be rather uneven, rising up and dipping down like a roller-coaster as they travel round the skirt !! Also, that on-trend peplum is a tad too long - it would have been better and more in proportion if it had been a teensy bit shorter I think...
Michelle in herself looks lovely, with natural make-up and red lipstick to match the dress, but I do wish she had chosen a more interesting necklace. This one has a vintage look about it that suggests a dusty old junk shop find rather than a beautiful expensive antique - single diamonds in a row are unusual and should have a beautiful setting - it's the rather tarnished dark metal setting that is putting me off, I think !!SHAILENE WOODLEY
Shailene went down the route of Couture this year, choosing a dress from the Valentino Spring 2012 Couture Collection, and one which I picked out myself too...
The only thing is that it is possibly the most buttoned-up dress I have seen coming off the Valentino drawing board for a good long while - I was undoubtedly correct that someone would pick this for a red carpet dress, but I do wish that it hadn't been Shailene here - she is so young, and this dress is so much older
in style than her, if you know what I mean !!
She gets my Black Star award for wearing a dress that I predicted would be worn on a red carpet somewhere, but who made a mistake with it... MISSI PYLE
Missi Pyle was one of the stars who decided to take part in the Red Carpet Green Dress Challenge - she opted to wear the winning design in a competition set up by Suzy Cameron, wife of Director James Cameron, to design an eco-friendly dress for the Oscars red-carpet...here she is wearing the winning dress designed by Valentina Delfino:
Actress Missi Pyle, who stars in the Oscar-nominated film 'The Artist', stepped out in a cruelty-free, mineral-dyed 'peace silk' gown by Valentina Delfino, a Venezuela-born and Miami-based designer who was among the hundreds who entered the competition, which began in November. 'Peace silk' is the term coined for silk collected from cocoons without killing the silkworms inside - very green !!
"The 'Red Carpet Green Dress' contest gives aspiring or established designers a chance to make a beautiful and sustainable gown that will be seen on the single most anticipated red carpet,” says Suzy Cameron in a statement.
“When the talented actress Missi Pyle steps onto the red carpet at the Academy Awards this Sunday, everyone will see why sustainable design can also be stunning design. Valentina Delfino has created an Oscars red carpet dress, and I am thrilled Missi has joined us in creating an important fashion moment."
Cameron launched the contest in 2009, when she was out stomping the awards circuit with her husband,'Avatar' director James Cameron.“All the world is watching this red carpet,”
says Pyle, “And as artists, I believe it is our job to show the world that we not only care about creating incredible art, but that we are mindful of the fact that, in doing so, we can make something beautiful that is also sustainable. It is an incredible honor for me to walk the most glamorous red carpet in the world in such a stunning and meaningful dress.
Yes, well - meaningful it may be, and it's certainly admirable that this dress is so green in its sourcing and all, but to me anyway, this design is a tad fussy with all those tiers and layers, and that falling down bit of strap round her upper left arm would drive me insane !!
n the whole though, this isn't as bad as it could have been - thus her position in this 'Could Have Done Better
' list rather than the next list which is the one that no-one
in their right mind would want to end up on !!2. SIR ELTON JOHN'S AIDS FOUNDATION PARTYDITA VON TEESE
Dita usually looks fabulous, and as classy a broad as you were ever likely to find anywhere in 1940s Hollywood - but for some reason, this time she didn't look as shapely as she usually does, and I think it's mainly her dress:
This is designed by Jenny Packham, from her Autumn 2012 Collection, but it doesn't really flatter Our Dita very much - she looks a bit fat in it around the waist - all those little pleats you see - and I can't ever remember a time when she displayed so much under-cleavage, which is not a great look for anyone - no, not even a burlesque stripper !!
I do rather like her flashy jewellery though...KATY PERRY
Katy usually looks fab too - but for Christ's sake - I wish she'd get rid of the awful blue hair !! This isn't a good look for long term use at all, but she seems to be quite sold on it as she's had it for quite a few months now - her dress was lovely actually, designed by Blumarine, but all I could see was the bright blue barnet !! That's the trouble with a hair colour that isn't in any way natural - it does tend to overpower everything else... KELLY OSBOURNE
The same goes for Kelly - when, oh when,
is she going to change her hair colour for something quite fabulous again ?!! This whiteish-grey, with a slight tinge of lilac, is distinctly awful, especially when combined with the palest of lemon yellow dresses like this, and
bright red lipstick - what a combination !!
Sorry Kelly - this just looks dreadful, and I seem to remember saying the same thing last year !! Here, have a ticket for committing a fashion misdemeanour... 3. VANITY FAIR PARTYDIANE KRUGER
Diane Kruger chose a little Calvin Klein number for the Vanity Fair Party, which is unusual for anyone these days - when was the last time you saw anyone wearing anything
designed by Calvin Klein on the red carpet ?
The only problem is that I don't like it much !! The colour is fab and the general shape is flattering and beautiful - however...
This dress has such a low-cut navel-bearing front that she has to wear a matching bra in order to save her blushes, unless that red bra is actually part of the dress ? It's undoubtedly by the same designer as the thin straps are identical, so it all probably comes together as one package, but I really hate this bra-revealing look - it just looks cheap and trashy, and I just know
Diane Kruger is better than that !! FELICITY JONES
Felicity chose this slightly weird and extremely unflattering black leather dress, which was so creased all over that it ended up looking like cheap faux-leather, which wasn't designer Johanna Johnson's intention, I am sure !!
This dress was fine from the neck to the waist, fitting her beautifully, but then with the full-length full skirt, it kind of overwhelmed her a tad, and then I also noticed that you can see all kinds of lumps and bumps where under-facings and other seams have left their mark on the very fine and easily-marked leather...you can also see her bra shape and that isn't good !!
Full marks to her for wearing something rather original though - you have to admire that - but this time it wasn't really sucessful in my book !!IRINA SHAYK
This was the second dress for Irina, but why, oh why, did she bother to get changed from her beautiful white Versace dress that she wore to the AIDS Foundation party, into this:
This dress was designed by Lebanese designer, Abed Mahfouz, but although I really like the dress on the whole, I could really do without seeing quite so much side-boob - I would have preferrd this dress to have a bit more back to it, I think... JANUARY JONES
' star January Jones chose a rather strange combination of dark forest-green chiffon blouse with a chestnut-brown stripy full length skirt, designed by Wes Gordon from his Autumn 2012 Collection, and which looked, for all the world, like a classic Carolina Herrerra creation !! I would have loved this look to bits, had it been a matching one, say a chestnut-brown chiffon blouse with the striped skirt, instead of that dark green colour, but there you go...everything else looked fab, as usual !! LILY COLLINS
Now then, here is a dress that I picked out when it went down the runway during the last Pre-Fall 2012 season - designed by Monique L'Huillier, it was one of the beautiful blue range of dresses that she practically designed a whole collection around...
The reason Lily ended up in this list rather than the Best Dressed List ? Well, for one thing, she isn't nearly
old enough for this dress...she looks as if she has borrowed something from her mum to wear to this do...which is odd actually, as the runway model doesn't look that much older than Lily, but on her it looks OK !! I have no idea why that might be, except that the photo is farther away, and Lily's photos are much clearer !!
She gets a Black Star for wearing something I chose from the runway at the time, but doesn't look as good as it should... KATE BECKINSALE
Kate has succumbed to the dreaded side cut-outs from Atelier Versace:
I didn't like this dress at all when it went down the runway - I found the print a bit bitty and fussy, and the side-cut-outs are a pet hate of mine, as you all know...hence the reason I didn't choose it at the time, but I have to say that it is
good to see Kate wearing something other than an elegant, slim-fitting, slinky white fishtail gown, which seemed to be her constant style choice for these events - and also the honey tones in this print really suit her quite well - she should choose colours like this more often !!
So on that note, I will leave her and move on to...MILEY CYRUS
Exactly the same thing applies to poor young Miley here as applied to Lily Collins above - this dress is way
too old for her !! She has this problem a lot actually, as this is definitely not the first time I have criticised her fashion choices for being too matronly for someone as young as her...in this case, it's a combination of the silvery-grey colour, the slightly puffed full-length sleeves, and the rather fussy fringe of godets round the hemline from knee-level. Perhaps it would have been much better to have a short version of this, just to the knee and without all those frills hanging down...
Now, I get the fact that she is going for a sophisticated Hollywood starlet from the 1940s Look - I mean just look at that hair - but that's the whole problem isn't it ? She is neither sophisticated, nor is she seen
to be a Hollywood starlet, much though she would like to be, and she is most certainly not from the '40s, so she fails on all counts with that one, I'm afraid !!
I'd like to see Miley in something much younger, rather like Shailene Woodley and Lily Collins - all three are dressed about a decade older than they need to be !!SOFIA COPPOLA
I love trousers on the red carpet, as you all know - it's a daring choice, flying in the face of convention, which is exactly what good fashion ought to do now and then - so I applauded Sofia's choice to wear a black YSL trousers and halter-top combination to the Vanity Fair Party, which is every bit as posh a do as the actual Oscars Ceremony itself - well, almost anyway !!
What a shame that they were creased to Kingdom Come when she walked down the red carpet !! Such a shame because they're quite a nice design really...however, creasing like this anywhere
round the hip/crotch level isn't a great look, whether you're male or female !!
She did have a nice bit of stained-glass look jewellery going on though, with her black cuff adorned with a bejewelled Maltese cross: ZOE SALDANA
Zoe went with Marios Schwab for her walk down the red carpet at the Vanity Fair Party, but I rather thought that this looked a bit like two dresses assembled together - I'd have liked this so much better if either
the top bit of sheer fabric, or
the bottom bit of sheer fabric had disappeared !! She would be left with either a long strapless dress and a rather fetching statement necklace, or
a short cocktail dress with a sheer yoke and cap sleeves...
So many jewelled bits and bobs everywhere too - pocket edgings which seem to be a bit superfluous, but a simply fabulous
statement necklace !! THE WORST DRESSED OF ALL !!
So much for the ladies who made some rather elementary mistakes when choosing their red carpet frocks, but how about the real Worst Dressed List ? They were at the bottom level of "All kinds of wrong !!"
...1. THE OSCARS CEREMONYANNE-SOPHIE BION
I have no idea who came up with this dress, but it's NOT a good design at all !!
For one thing, it's pulling in all kinds of unflattering directions, and making her bosom look so droopy
!! For another thing, the fabric looks amazingly like a black bin-liner...
...and a creased bin-liner at that !!
I have to say, it's a complete mystery to me why she didn't take one look in the full length mirror before she left her hotel room, and immediately think "Oh Gawd - this is one massive mistake!!
" and get another back-up dress out of the wardrobe...did she not have one ? Perhaps she didn't !! Bad planning - you should always have a back-up dress... MELISSA LEO
Melissa went for a Reem Acra dress, which is usually a perfect choice, but this mediocre-at-best design proves that even the most sought-after designers have their off days...I mean, c'mon - this is so casual and laid back, it's almost horizontal !!
It looks like a bowling-shirt covered with sequins, in a vain effort to make the game of bowling somehow a teensy bit more glamorous...some hope !! Not a great choice, Melissa...2. SIR ELTON JOHN'S AIDS FOUNDATION PARTYBLEONA QERETI
When I saw this, I was simply speechless...Armenian singer Bleona Qereti went for the belly-dancer look, which may be fine in a nightclub in Yerevan, but maybe not on the Oscars red carpet in Hollywood !!
This dress wins the award for the Worst Dress of the Evening, hands down - yes, even worse than Anne-Sophie's bin liner dress !! I mean, just look at it - or them - well, you know what I mean !!
I really don't think that a cleavage-baring keyhole dress in red, orange and yellow with sparkly bits is a great choice when you're up there in the spot-lights with some of the best dressed women on the planet !! She looks like a pole-dancer...
Here, have some shiny cuffs...LINDA RAMONE
Linda here is the widow of Johnny Ramone, and I had to go and check up on exactly who she is, because for all the world, this looks like a man in drag...
Her dress is fantastically
over-the-top, and rather Russian looking I think - must be all that fur round the hem and cuffs. However, her hair looks fake and her sunglases are so very 70s - everything looks like a man's idea of what should be glamorous, if you know what I mean...she simply doesn't look real somehow !!
She gets a Go To Jail card, because frankly, if anyone
thinks you look like a man in drag, you should really have a rethink...PAZ VEGA
Paz Vega chose this dress designed by Stephane Rolland, who is a member of the Parisian Chambre Syndical de la Haute Couture
, and can therefore officially call his designs 'Haute Couture
', as opposed to ordinary run-of-the-mill Couture, and is a member of perhaps the most elite fashion designer set in the world - it's what sets Paris fashion apart from say New York, Milan, or any other fashion week city...
It's a shame then that one of only two dresses being worn to the Oscars from this designer, was this rather weird creation which bears an unfortunate resemblance to a mushroom outgrowth on a tree...
It's a shame because Stephane Rolland isn't a designer whose work I am massively familiar with, and I know that I really ought to get acquainted, but this isn't endearing me to his work at all - it's just very strange... 3. VANITY FAIR PARTYJACKIE COLLINS
Jackie attended this bash with her sister Joan, who looked her usual glamorous self of course, but Jackie here could have done with some style tips from a good stylist I reckon - a bit too much jewellery, and so many different shades of red, rust, and pink going on here...
For me, I think she should have left off the huge pink earrings and gone with just the red necklace, which at least goes some way towards matching her jacket, and I would have substituted a pair of tiny gold studs instead. Then I would have chosen a better lipstick - one which matches the jacket better...
She doesn't look terrible, but she certainly doesn't look good either !!LISA EISNER
Lisa's jacket looks like a yeti who experimented with the raspberry pink soda-coloured hair dye, and not successfully either...this is really an awful set of fashion choices all round !! Too much red, too much shagginess, too much green jewellery around her neck, too much fringing hanging off the skirt - yes, too much of all these things, but mainly too much tacky indifference to what looks good and what doesn't...
She gets a pair of shiny cuffs too, for crimes against fashion and good taste !!
So there you have it - the Oscars are done for another year - and what a year it was !! Lots of real fashion and beauty worth talking about, and I was especially pleased to be able to hand out several green stars at this event, but also, so many awful outfits on show...but then, I guess that the huge number of stars attending the ceremony as well as the parties, means that my lists are inevitably going to be longer than usual.
We're off to New York next to look at the recent RTW Collections for next Autumn...stay tuned !!